


A dangerous game

by MyTenderMadness



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst and Humor, M/M, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-28
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-17 06:46:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1377784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyTenderMadness/pseuds/MyTenderMadness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and James wondered why Shepard was still single and they got taught by the old members of SR-1.<br/>James decided to bet against the crew to get into the Commander's pants and soon the whole bet grew to a dangerous game about who can get the Commander first.<br/>The fun was garanteed but none of them had thought of, how Shepard himself would feel about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The bet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HeavenOnFire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenOnFire/gifts).



**The bet**

 

“Look at him!” Steve said whispering to James, when he passed them in the mess hall. The Commander didn’t pay attention to them. He looked down to his data-pad concentrated and turned on the coffee-machine.

Steve turned his head to his meal and started eating, but James kept watching, how he bent over the paperwork while drinking his coffee, still mining his own business. “How come he’s still single?”

Liara giggled next to him and looked over to Garrus to exchange a knowing glance. The Turian had to smile on his broken face as far as it was possible.

“What?” Steve said. “Am I missing something?”

“Sure you are!” Kaidan said, leaning over to Steve and whispered. “The Commander is so shy.”

“You’re kidding!” James answered and emptied his glass. “Him? The hero of the reaper war? I bet he has thousands of girls waiting for him on the citadel.”

Garrus looked at Steve and then James. He had no choice but enlighten them. “He might look so tough and confident, but when it comes to sex, he’ll blush like a teenager and take his work as an excuse and flee to his cabin. ”

“No way!” James said. “Are we talking about the same man?”

“Yes! Him!” Liara said. “I’m not that confident in human sexual development, but the rest of them are certain, the Commander is what you called a virgin.”

That was too much. James busted into laugh and he just won’t stop until tears came to his eyes and with his loud and manly laughter, the Commander looked up from his table and glanced in their direction short. “The hero of the Reaper war is a virgin?” James leaned in and whispers. “Are you telling me, he had never, you know, used his status to get a chick? He’s not buried in love letters from all across the galaxy?”

“He might be, but not he saw his opportunity.” Liara said.

The Turian chewed on his protein bar and turned towards Steve and James “Back in the days in SR-1 we had few rumors about the Commander interested in some crew members. But that just died after a while. We even went so far to bet.”

“Bet on what?” James asked.

“Bet on the Commander will first die than having sex with someone.” Kaidan answered sarcastically.

“What happened then?” Steve looked curious into the round.

Liara sighed and looked a little sad. “We won. He died before.”

“Sure, he didn’t do anything and you just didn’t find out?” James added.

“If he did, we didn’t have time to find out, after the SR-1 got shut down, we had other things to do.” Liara looked down to her tea.

Garrus looked also in Shepard’s direction and sighed. “And last year, we weren’t exactly in the mood.”

James stood up and looked into the faces of each of them. “Wait here.” Then he disappeared for few minutes before returning with a whiskey bottle. He placed the bottle in the middle of the table and Kaidan’s eyes became wide.

The biotic was famous for his taste for the liquor. “Wow, you’ve been hiding it!”

“Of course! Didn’t want you drunk-heads take away my baby!” James smirked and then sat back down. He bent over to the table and lowered his voice. “Why we don’t start a new bet?”

Kaidan looked up from the bottle to James seriously. “Bet on Shepard dying again?”

“No! no!” James answered fast. “I just can’t see our Commander fight the Reaper one more day as a virgin. I bet, I can accomplish that!”

Kaidan laughed and shook his head. “I bet a thousand credits, the Commander won’t jump out of his pants until the end of the war. He’s heart had been already conquered by the galaxy. No one can take it away from him.”

“Kaidan’s right.” Liara said. “I bet two thousands credits the Commander won’t start a relationship in war time. Don’t let his kindness fool you. He’s just nice to everyone.”

“Who said about relationship?” James added. He stood up, taking one hand and moved down his muscular body. “I’m betting on sex. No one can resist this.” He stroked a very manly pose. “Not even loco.”

“Not even that.” Kaidan added and Liara nodded with him.

“We have a bet, then!” Garrus said.

Steve looked at the Turian like he just missed everyone. “What exactly are you guys betting on? James seducing Shepard?”

Garrus laughed and stood up. He finished his protein bar and knocked gently on the table. “No, we’re betting no one is going to seduce the Commander. And if someone does, I’ll gladly buy her or him a new rifle.”

James stood up and pointed a finger in Garrus direction. “Deal!”

 

*** *** *** ***

 

First it was only James against the rest; but after the pot grew over five thousand credits, a bottle of Whiskey, a bottle of ice brandy from Dr. Chakwas and a new rifle from Garrus, Liara got convinced by Garrus to bet on her, since she was one of the persons Shepard was interested in back in the days, she might have more chance than James. Then James convinces Steve to join too, and Liara brought Kaidan into the game. And the message spread and few other people joined the game. In the end, the whole ground team joined, including Javik. He stood solid on Shepard’s side, saying a good Commander will not be distracted by such trivia activity, but he still would like to try his chance.

Some of them even went so far and forwarded the mail to ex-Normandy crew members inviting them to join the bet, saying the chance for them was almost equal to the Normandy crew, who surrounded the Commander every day. Even when the most beautiful Asari join him in a private cabin, the Commander would not think of it only once. But since there were not situation where the ex-crew member could meet the Commander, they were taken out of the competition again. Joker participated with pleasure and put 250 credits in the pot and the promised, he’ll keep EDI under control, and they didn’t want their fun be spoiled by the loose mouth of the AI.

“So be it.” Liara said and looked into the eyes of all active participants. James, Liara, Tali, Garrus, Kaidan and Javik from the ground team. Diana and Steve from the ship. “We had agreed on some rules.”

 

     1. The Commander mustn’t know about the bet

     2. Everything is allowed to do (within legal range and the comrade code onboard of the Normandy)

     3. The winner takes all

     4. The winner is the first person having sexual encounter with the Commander.

     5. Fellatio and Coitus are counted as winning action, but not a simple kiss.

     6. The winner must present prove. The evidence will be judged by others later.

     7. The winner takes the golden muffin as token; the Commander should be rewarded enough.

 

After Liara read the rules, all of them busted into laughter, they haven’t expected this to be so serious, but in these dark times, it looked like this was the only fun they could have. Each of them signed the data-pad of Liara and wished each other luck when the door of Liara’s room opened.

In the door way stood Shepard with an irritated gesture on his face. “I’ve been wondering where my crew went. What is this?” He looked over all of them.

Some of them looked to the ground and said nothing; other opened the mouth and then closed it again.

“I hope you’re not planning a mutiny!” Shepard smirked and all of them laughed nervously. “I need to speak to you alone, Liara.” Shepard said fast when the laughter silenced and all but Liara stood up and walked one after one for the door. Before the door closed, James twinkled at Liara and she only nodded back with a knowing glance.

“There you go!” Kaidan sighed. “You have no chance, James.”

James put a hand around his shoulder. “Don’t give up hope, Marine! Believe in your Commander. The thing between his legs is just for decoration.”

 


	2. Weekly newsletter no. 1

_Weekly newsletter No.1_

_I will curse the person who convinced me to write this newsletter. Now it’s 2 am and I’m typing about Commander Shepard’s nonexistent sex life instead of sleeping. But!_

_After a week of observation and paying attention to details, it seemed, the actions of our beloved Commander could really be interpreted into subtle hints for a flirt and maybe paying attention to._

_Between missions and the stack of paperwork the Commander actually found time to talk to his crewmembers. If you look closely, it’s stunning how much he did care about the people working with him. Beside he knew everyone on the first name basis, there is really little to report. The Commander is always kind, caring and encouraging. He reach you a hand to help you when you’re down, cheers with you about good things, but he never overstep the line of professionalism._

_But here are some honorable mentions._

_The Commander talked to Garrus in private for the total of fifteen minutes. Topic of conversation? Guns and bigger guns according to Garrus. And yes, Garrus occasionally mentioned calibration few times._

_The engineering room is just too crowded. Based on EDI’s analysis of Shepard’s movement behavior and voice, during the conversation with Tali, Shepard was amused and his heartbeat went up. Not sure what was going on there, but Tali did her best. But like I said before, the engineering room isn’t fit for a flirt._

_Also Major Alenko was able to talk to the Commander in the Stardust Observation; a place made for intimate talks and romantic ideas, but resisting the ambient before the galaxy and its beauty to seduce, the Commander was able to stay all professional. Also blame of Kaidan’s poor performance, the conversation only lasted few minutes._

_Diana Allers scored this week’s jackpot. Long story short, the Commander accepted her interview request in his cabin and the next time they meet, it will be show time._

_Last but not least, James’ presentation must be mentioned. The Commander worked in the armory for two hours on supplies lists and Lt. Vega decided to demonstrate his physical superiority. But the professional Commander didn’t even raised his head once from the console, leaving the sight completely cold, proving once more, this game will not be over soon._

-          _Samantha_

Steve put the newsletter away and looked over to James. “What do you say now? Looked like he didn’t appreciate your show.” He smiled and James let down from the bar and walked over to him.

“You know very well, he didn’t just come down to go shopping. He’s looking, I’m sure.”

“In your dreams.” Steve laughed and leaned back in his seat. “He’s not into men! We don’t have a chance!”

“Speak for yourself, Estaban.” James let his muscle play in front of Steve. “Who could say no to this kind of …” James played with his muscle. “Superiority?”

Steve was looking at the dark tanned skin of James with his mouth open when someone tipped him on the shoulder. “Don’t let him fool you, Steve.” The voice whispered softly into his ear.

“Commander!” James stood straight immediately and saluted.

“No need to be formal, James.” Shepard walked over to the supply desk and grabbed something and headed for the door again. “Steve, don’t let that kind of beauty distract you from work!”

Both men looked how the door closed and then each other.

“He touched me!” Steve said with a winning smile to James.

“He called me a beauty!” James responded with a bigger smile and walked back to his spot.


	3. Weekly newsletter no. 2

_Weekly newsletter No.2_

_Welcome back, guys._

_I don’t believe I’m still doing this._

_After the last newsletter, I received too many mails asking for more details, from non-players! Stop forwarding this newsletter to other people; it’s only for the internal game!_

_But back to topic. It was a busy week. The Commander was few hours on the Citadel; sadly none of us had the occasion to meet him there. Guess his schedule is filled with Council Meeting and Spectre trainings._

_Talking about Spectres, maybe Specter Alenko could tell us more, how Spectres spent their free time on the Citadel, but Kaidan is keeping his mouth shut. Beside their conversations in the Stardust Observation, which is still a perfect room for gentle talks and romantic actions, I guess, this week, the Major’s performance stayed as poor as usual. According to EDI’s body language and voice analysis, the two of them were stiff. Guess talking about Spectre business and missing people in war time isn’t a good topic for a flirt._

_Unbelievable what happened down in the shuttle bay. The Commander actually laid his hand on someone and this time, the lucky one is Steve, letting him climbing up the letter of ranking a lot. Well, the Commander did call Mr. Vega a beauty but just let’s pretend he said it from the viewpoint of Steve. If not, guess Garrus can hand over James a rifle catalog pretty soon._

_The Commander invited Diana as promised to his cabin. The Interview took about an hour and no access to surveillance footage from EDI. But since it took longer than usual, I bet Diana is playing aggressive this time. But sadly the end result is nothing. Based on Diana’s own comment, they only talked about business and the Commander is either not into women at all or just very very bad at reading signs._

_And the next one: Uh la la! This must be mentioned this time. Everyone who happened to be in the mess hall last Saturday could have witness this kindness from Commander Shepard. He accompanied Dr. T’soni back to her room and they stayed at her door for total of fifteen minutes. Based on the giggling and whispering, I guess they talked about either very funny stuff or the Commander was actually flirting. According to herself, she was invited before to his cabin and the result is: They cuddled (but still no prove yet.) Not sure how it went down, but it was certain, the Commander is being very tender to her._

_To the rest, the Commander made his usual round in the ship. He didn’t leave out any members and showed his appreciation for their work. How could we not love the kind Commander? But still, he’s all professional and still there is a war going on._

-          _Samantha_

“You cuddled?” Kaidan tossed the newsletter pad on Liara’s bed and sat down on her couch.

“I guess what we did is called this way in your language.” She looked up from her monitors.

“You’re not sure?” Kaidan placed one of the coffee mugs he brought on her table and drank from the other one.

“Well, we Asari communicate on such intimate actions on another level. Without embracing ourselves, it’s difficult for us to experience tenderness. But for you humans, simple touching of skins is already meant as an action of affection, isn’t it?” Liara took the tea Kaidan put there for her and nipped on it.

“You can say so,” Kaidan leaned back on her couch and crossed a leg on another. “What exactly happened, he cuddled?”

Liara turned around and pointed at the small box of the other of the room. “Remember I was working on the time capsule?” Kaidan nodded. “I wanted him to add his view to all this and we got a little sentimental looking back at the road we walked down together.”

“And he took you into his arms?” He looked up curiously.

“Sort of.” Liara sighed and sat down to Kaidan’s side tight, touching him with the side of her leg and leaned her head into his direction. “Like this.”

“That’s not cuddling, Liara.” Kaidan replied fast and put his hand around her shoulder and pulled her towards him so she placed her head on his chest and put her arm around his belly. “Liara, this is what we human call cuddling.”

“It feels very good.” Liara said and adjusted her sitting position. “I can see why humans like to do this. It does transmit some sort of tenderness and … affection.”

“Good, isn’t it?” Kaidan smiled and rubbed her arm. “So what did he say then? You guys seemed to understand each other well.”

Liara sighed. “Well, the old times. Some stupid stuff.”

“Like what?”

Liara laughed. “Remember we had that discussion back on the Normandy SR-1, where we got jealous at each other?”

“I wasn’t jealous!” Kaidan said fast. “I was confused.”

“Yeah, we laughed about that. And I asked him would he have the chance again, what will he chose?” Liara said slowly.

“What did he say?” Kaidan sounded really curios.

“Well, he said he would done the same.” Liara sighed again.

“So, none of us, then.” Kaidan said a little disappointed.

“And he talked about distraction at work. And in the end, he made sure, I am a good friend and it should stay this way.”

Kaidan turned his head to her. “He friendzoned you?”

“If this is how your people call the state of friendship between different two individuals, without any sexual intention, I guess yes.”

“He’s unbelievable.” Kaidan sighed and both of them started to giggle when Liara’s VI Glyph reported someone approaching her cabin.

The mechanic door opened and Shepard stepped inside with his eyes fixed at a data-pad. “Liara, we need to talk about this and…” he looked up and froze. “Sorry, I… didn’t… mean… to interrupt.”

“Commander, you’re not interrupting anything.” Liara stood up from the couch and stepped towards the Shepard who was already on his way out. “Kaidan is just showing me the concept of “cuddling”, since I still have many things to learn about humans.”

“It’s… good. I’ll come back later.” He looked at Liara and then Kaidan and blushed. “Sorry, didn’t mean to ruin your romantic moment...”

Kaidan wanted to say something but Shepard had already left the room. He then turned towards Liara and sighed. “I guess, he thinks we are dating.”

“Dating?” Liara looked at him curiously. “Developing a romantic relationship?”

“Yeah, that’s called dating.” Kaidan drank from his coffee. “Is it bad he thinks that way?” He looked up to Liara.

“Well, that would make the bet for us a lot more difficult.” Liara sat down in front of her console.

Kaidan walked towards the door and thanked her for her time. When he arrived the door, he turned back again and looked at Liara. “Do you think anyone can get him?”

“Is that important?” She looked up from the console. “Or is this just about preventing James gets him?”

“Guess that’s it.” Kaidan smirked.

Before Kaidan walked out the door, Liara raised her head for a question. “And you? Do you want to get him so bad?”

“It’s not about getting him, like you said, more about beating James.” Kaidan answered.


	4. Weekly newsletter no. 3

_Newsletter No.3_

_Reapers are a hard piece of shit to kill! Rannoch is free of those bastards, the Geths are defeated and Tali has a home planet again. It was a very busy week and also the Commander had made some improvement. Remember the parade uniform the Commander was wearing at the meeting with the Quarian Admirals? Bet that made many of you folks wet and hard._

_After all, nothing important happened. None of the people could bring it to the end, so the game is still on. But here are the honorable mentions from last week._

_Of course the most romantic and intimated moment after the battle of Rannoch goes to Tali. Sitting on a rock on a planet her people haven’t set foot one for centuries, this moment surely make everyone sentimental and so did Shepard. Agreeing on coming back and help rebuild the planet could be interpreted as some kind of hints towards something serious? Tali called the Commander a true man and a leader and things are going down pretty well between them._

_In flagrante! The Commander bumped into Liara’s room, finding her cuddling with Kaidan and had avoided talking to her ever since. Does that just made the Commander jealous and since we knew from last week, something was going on between Liara and Shepard. Also his conversations with Major Alenko had been much shorter ever since and the tone became more professional than ever. The Major’s attempt to explain his relationship to Shepard had been cut down by the Commander, pointing up it’s none of his business. Autch! Guess Shepard just gave them his blessing._

_And, big surprise! Diana Allers had pulled back her participation, betting on Liara from now on. The reason behind her withdraw was the Commander made clear to her he’ll keep his relationship towards her pure professional and her attempt to flirt had been cut down so harsh as she had never experienced._

_And at least, back to the man, who started this madness. Lt. James Vega. He got an invitation to Commander Shepard’s cabin few days ago. Like we all still know, Shepard’s cabin is outside of EDI’s territory, so no idea what happened inside. But outside? The Commander had visited James few times in the armory. He spent more time with his LT than before and according to EDI’s analysis, the pulse rate and heart beat are going up and some indication of his body language and the scan of his hormonal balance showed a high increase of testosterone and endorphin. What that means, you can look up on the extranet._

_So it looks like things were going down pretty fast. Guess one more week, something serious might happen. My bet? Liara. Wanna know why? Come ask me._

-          _Samantha._

“Wow.” Garrus leaned against his desk and looked at Tali. “Look like, Shepard really likes you. I can imagine why.”

“Why?” Tali glance over to him and Garrus thought he saw a smirk underneath the mask.

“You know each other for years. You have accompanied him on almost every crusade he made. You both spent a lot time together and you always got his back. From a Quarian child on the Pilgrimage to the youngest Admiral on the Migrant Fleet is a big accomplishment. And Shepard must fall such example of a strong woman.” Garrus stepped slowly over to her and leaned next to her on the wall.

Tali laughed a little. “Who said, I like him. I’m just playing to have you buy me a rifle, for free.”

“Why you shouldn’t like him? He’s the savior of the Citadel, the survivor of the suicide mission and in deed he helped you retake you home planet. Might be reason enough to like him.”

“You’re right. Shepard is a good man.” Tali played with her cloth and looked down. “He’s truly a great hero.”

“Oh, that’s a lot of love in the voice.” Garrus said with a small trace of disappointment in his voice.

“Jealous?” Tali said fast. “And what about you, Vakarian? You know him a long time, too. You stayed with him for years, now. From a C-Sec officer to a vigilante. From an outlaw to a special consultant for the Turian Primarch, you archived also a lot with Shepard. Couldn’t imagine why you two are not dating.”

Garrus smiled first then chuckled. “Guess, he’s too shy to ask me out. And I’m pal enough not to push him, how could I expect him to say anything useful in the present of this face?” He pointed to his own scared bones and laughed again.

Tali looked up and giggled. “Who said it’s him falling for you? He did also everything for you as he did for me, beside the home planet thing, since you Turian still have one.”

“Well, he did save Palavan for us. You know… the Krogans.” Garrus leaned in to be closer to Tali’s mask. “I do admire him for his leadership, but I don’t love him.”

“Why are you doing this then?” Tali asked. “Just to sabotage James?”

“More of less; more of to prove my invincible charm towards James. Can’t let that stripper from Omega win, can’t I.” He looked down and held her hand.

“I see.” Tali nodded and leaned in to him and whispered to him. “So Vakarian, you want to prove your charm to me, too?”

“Will it work?” Garrus whispered and touched Tali’s mask with his forehead. “But I’ll try my best.”

In that moment the door opened and Shepard stood in the doorway. Sometimes he starts to ask himself, if he should ask EDI to install a knocking function on door. He had bumped into too many unpleasant situations. Tali and Garrus stepped away from each other immediately and started talking about just met and jeopardizing the mission.

“It’s okay. I’m happy for you.” He mumbled with a smirk on his face. It felt good to see his team mates turn to each other in dark times and find someone.

After Shepard left, Garrus and Tali turned to each other again and giggled. “He should learn how to knock.” Tali said.

“He does.” He held Tali again and pressed her to himself. “Do you still want to have Shepard so badly?”

Tali leaned in and whispered. “Not anymore.”


	5. Weekly newsletter no. 4

_Newsletter No.4_

_Alarm, alarm, alarm! Someone had leaked the information to Shepard about the game, so there is absolute nothing to report this week. The Commander is making his usual round, but his behavior is professional and impersonal. Also he had spent less time in the mess hall or elsewhere, basically he had been hiding in his room._

_After the discussion going on in the mails, the jury and all members of the active players had come to the conclusion; this will lead to no end but the Commander distance himself from the crew. So the final and the last chance will be April the 11 th on the human Calendar. _

_The Commander Shepard, hero of the Galaxy will turn 32 on that day and the crew had decided to throw him a party. This night will be the Grand Final of the game. If no one can succeed, the prize will be given to Commander Shepard for defending his virginity like he defends Earth._

_May the luckiest of you win!_

_\- Samantha_

Joker looked up from the newsletter and turned to EDI. “So, what’s your bet?”

“I do not bet, Jeff.” She replied. “Betting is a concept led by emotions and hopes to gain more from a lesser investment. It’s a concept of illogical behavior and the reliability on luck. According to the analysis, Shepard has an 80% chance to engage with anyone on board the Normandy based on the behavior of the members. But based on the Commander’s behavior from the past two years, it’s unlikely to expect sudden change of pattern.”

“Just asking. Who would you wish to win?” Joker asked again.

“I don’t take side. Based on the data, it is likely the Commander will win.” EDI answered.

“But if someone wins, how’s the statistic?” Joker turned his chair towards EDI.

The AI also turned her chair towards him. She had learned, looking the individual in the eyes when talking to him improves the quality of the conversation. “Based on the information about Shepard I have gathered and the data I have access to, Liara has the highest chance.” She answered straight.

“I know everyone is saying it’s going to be Liara, but why?”

“The race of Asari gain strength from the other race they mate with. The wilingness of Asari to sex is known across the galaxy, it’s likely the Commander is aware of it. There is no information about Shepard’s sexual orientation, so based on the statistic, he’s more likely to be heterosexual. The models of female human on board are limited, except Samantha, Shepard had no noticeable relation to any other human females. And Samantha will be excluded in my function because of her sexual orientation. So Liara is the most human-like female individual on board.” She answered almost without any break and extra emotion.

“Okay, okay.” Joker nodded. “Nice to know another perspective and not, because they are old friends and had known each other for long time and already had something ongoing on the first Normandy.” Joker gestured waving with his and laughed.

“Jeff, I’m capable of understanding sarcasm.” EDI added.

“Well, what if it’s not Liara?” Joker looked to the ceiling like he was dreaming. “What about Kaidan. They had a little flirt back in the day. What do you think?”

“It’s unlikely the Major is considered for Shepard. Based on my data and behavior pattern of the Major, it’s also unlikely he will accept sexual intercourse after a long period of sexual abstinence. The interaction of the two of them is professional but not close. There are no measurable change in mood and behavior, unlike the conversations between Garrus and Tali.”

“How boring. I hope it will be Steve. Just because it would be much cooler to see Shepard making out with some dude and see James face when he does so.”

“The game will end in 12 hours 29 minutes and 14 seconds. It’s unlikely the Commander change his pattern of the last two years, 9 months and 28 days.” The AI answered straight without looking up.

“Where did you get this number?” Joker asked.

“I have been counting since the commander arrived on the Normandy with consideration of the timeframe of the Lazarus project.”

“Okay, okay. Based on the data, Shepard will die as a virgin.”


	6. The party

“Do something!” Steve said to James. They sat in the corner of the room at a small table and looked over to Liara and Shepard talking.

“Why should I do something?” James answered and drank his beer. “They’re just talking.”

“What do you think what they are talking about?” Steve asked.

“Why should I know?” James answered a little bored. “Either no one wins or Liara wins. It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?”

“Sadly yes. I at least hoped he would go for a human.” Steve said and emptied his bottle.

*** *** *** ***

“You look beautiful, today.” Shepard said loud to Liara when she crossed her long legs and looked at her white dress. The latest fashion from citadel and every inch of the silk fell like a layer of air on her body, showing nothing but everything.

“Thank you, Shepard.” Liara smiled and sipped on her drink.

Shepard looked down on his N7 hoodie and thought; maybe he should go change into something formal for the effort the crew threw him a party. But since it was a surprise party, he could wear anything. “I didn’t figure you out for a fashion victim.” Shepard said loud.

“It’s your birthday; I wanted it to wear something special.” Liara smiled at him in her grace and Shepard blushed.

“So the dress is for someone special?” Shepard asked

Liara laughed when she heard the question. Then she sipped or her drink again, put it down gently on the table. The she leaned close to his ear and whispered. “For you, Commander.”

Shepard blushed and backed off a little. “For me?” He looked up to her. “Is Kaidan okay with this?”

“Kaidan?” Liara sounded surprised and then laughed. “No, Commander. The major and I are not in any kind of intimate relationship. We are just good friends.” She said softly.

“Oh, really?” Shepard sat straighter and smiled a little. “I’m glad to hear that. It’s… good. Really good.” Shepard made a pause and then started after he took a big gulp of his beer. “Just because you and Kaidan are so close.”

“We are old friends, just like you and me.” She said.

“Yeah, right.” Shepard stood up and reached out a hand to Liara. “So can I ask you about something?”

“Sure, should we go somewhere private?” She suggested.

“Yeah, good idea.” Shepard replied. Then they stood up and headed for the door.

“I’m glad you think this way.” Liara got up with him and he smiled at Shepard. “This is hardly the place to talk about such intimated thing. I’m glad you mentioned it, Shepard.”

“Such intimate thing?” Shepard said. “You know what I want to ask you?”

“I thought… you…” Liara hesitated. “I might just read the signs wrong and it might be the lack of knowledge about human behavior, I thought you might tell me, you…”

“I might tell you…” Shepard let her hand go and realized what she was suggesting. “Oh god, Liara.” He stepped to her and held her. “I’m sorry, if I send the wrong signals… I… it’s about something else…. Someone else.”

“Someone… ” Liara looked at him surprised. “Are you suggesting, you wanted to ask me about…”

Shepard nodded and Liara closed her eyes and sighed. “Of course… how can I not see it.” She stepped away from Shepard and kept distance. “I’m sooo sorry. I should have known and what we have put you through… and…”

Shepard laughed. “Don’t be. I understand. Just… I…” He stopped. “Everything is fine, Liara. Just enjoy the party. I’m dedicated to take the money and the liquor home.” He smiled.

“Oh god, Shepard. You knew about that, too?” She asked surprised.

“Of course. I’m the captain of this ship, if I don’t know about it; I’m not doing my job.”

“And you’re fine with it?” She asked surprised.

“I understand in these dark times, the crew needs something to keep them happy.” Shepard took a beer from the bar and handed one over to Liara. “Just... Ah, it’s nothing. ”

They tossed their beer and chatted a while when someone suddenly grabbed his wrist and pulled him back into the room. He bumped into Garrus and the Turian dragged him on the dance floor. Someone already started playing a Tango.

“So Commander, may I ask for a dance?” Garrus said and led him across the room.

“Would you let me go if I say no?” Shepard smirked.

“No.” Garrus stepped with Shepard softly across the room. “Just go with it.”

“You know I can’t dance, do you?” Shepard said and struggled to follow Garrus lead. Some people whistled and Shepard blushed.

Garrus led Shepard few times across the room. Whenever the Commander struggled to stay on his feet and succeeded, the crowed whistled and cheered.

“You’re doing pretty well right now.” The Turian laughed and pressed Shepard closer to him.

“What are you doing? Making Tali jealous?” Shepard laughed and danced unconfident across the room.

“What is wrong with dancing with an old friend?” Garrus answered.

“Why do I have to dance the lady part?” He smirked.

“Because you don’t know how to lead.” The song is going to end and Garrus initiated the finishing move and started bending Shepard down. Shepard followed his lead.

“Are you saying I’m no leader?” He smiled

“Not on the dance floor, Shepard.” Garrus laughed and then pressed his lips on Shepard’s.

The crowd cheered and for few seconds, Shepard gave in and enjoyed feeling the heat of another person to close to him and the intimacy with an old friend.

“You sure are a heartbreaker, Vakarian.” Shepard said when he took his lips off Garrus. “You played well, but you’re not going to win.”

“Damn!” Garrus cursed quiet. “5000 Credits can buy me a new rifle.”

“Or buy me a new rifle.” Shepard laughed and stepped of the dance floor with him. Garrus went over to Tali and they bumped gently their head together. He whispered something in Tali’s ear and Shepard saw her giggling.

He wanted to go back to Liara, now leaning on the bar, watching them, but another person stepped between them. “Commander, we have a birthday present for you.” She led his way to the couches and pushed him down to the seat. Shepard got stuck between her and Steve and someone pressed some One-credit bills into his hand. Then before he notice what was happening, James stepped on the table in front of him and started dancing. The rest of the crowed surrounded them, whistling and cheering.

“Just relax!” Steve said and handed him a beer. “Hope you’ve heard about the stripper from Omega, Jimmy Vega.”

“This is not happening.” Shepard said and wanted to get up. “I’m not doing this.”

James shook his booty towards Shepard and went on his knees. He crawled over to Shepard and pushed him back. “Not enjoying my show, big boy?” The crowd cheered again and some even throw a credit bill towards him.

Shepard bit his lips and tried not to look at James undressing his uniform and shaking his ass. He stood strong on the table and when James took off his white shirt, showing his naked upper body. His tanned skin was covered in some sort of crème and oil and shimmered in the light. Shepard could see any muscle of his body move and how they contracted. He looked away, right into the face of Steve.

“Please tell me, he’s not really unbuttoning his pants.” Shepard said almost begging.

Steve – eyes fixed on James, nodded. “You should see this, Commander. He’s a top sample of human strength.”

“I know, that’s why I’m not looking.” Shepard clenched his teeth and tried not to look.

“Commander, you’re missing something.” Steve said and sat straighter on the couch.

Shepard turned slowly his glance back to James. He was only dressed in his underwear, tight and small. He could see the shape of James’ manhood underneath his pants and his eyes followed his long and muscular legs into the army boots. James, before him a piece of the raw sexuality right out of the fantasy, Shepard felt the heat inside him grow.

“It’s really too much for me.” Shepard said and wanted to get up.

“C’mon, take your time and enjoy this rare view.” Steve said and pulled Shepard back in his seat. “You must admit, James dancing is kind of hot.”

“So hot, it hurts!” Shepard said and stood up. He stepped over Steve’s laps to escape the corner he was put in and Steve saw the tight area around Shepard’s legs and gasped surprised.

Right after Shepard stepped away, James finished his dance and jumped on the empty seat next to Steve and leaned in. “All this effort for nothing!”

“Not for nothing! I liked it.” Steve said.

“But the Commander is not into it.” James said.

“His mind might be not into is, but I’m sure, the Commander‘s cock is.”

“You sure?” James sounded surprised.

“He was hard as fuck. I wonder what he’ll do next.” Steve said and looked after Shepard.

The Commander headed for bar and asked for a new beer. James stood up to catch up on him. Before the half naked LT could fish all credit bills from his pants and reach the bar, Javik stepped to Shepard’s side and leaned next to him on the bar. “So Commander.”

“Javik.” Shepard nodded.

“What about we mate and we share the winning.” Javik suggested and Shepard stepped away.

“Not you, too!” Shepard said loud. “No one is going to get the winning. God dammed.”

Shepard cursed and headed for the door, this time, no one stopped him. He ran out of the party room and after the metal door closed behind him, he only could hear the numb beat of the music. He wanted to go back to his cabin to hide, but he would find nothing but paperwork. So he wandered a little and stopped in the Stardust Observation.

He liked the silence and headed the big window. Shepard leaned against the glass and closed his eyes. The boner in his pants was getting better and he could calm himself down. He felt the engine under his feet and the gravity pulling him down. But he doesn’t want to surrender to the pressure and sit on the floor like a child. He sighed again.

“You look like you could take a drink.” a voice said from the corner and Shepard turned around.

Shepard stepped away from the window. “I thought I was alone.” He looked across the room and found the Major sitting in his lying chair, with a book on his lap.


	7. The dangerous game

“Major,” Shepard leaned against the window and looked at Kaidan. “Not enjoying the party?”

“Too loud for my taste. Don’t want the migraine to come back.” He smiled and put the book down.

Shepard came towards him and Kaidan also stood up. “How’s the headache? Having a lot lately?”

“Nothing special.” Kaidan walked slowly towards Shepard. “What about you? Missing from your own party?”

Shepard looked around and looked for words. He wasn’t feeling to tell Kaidan why he ran from his party. “Just looking for some space to be alone, like you.” He licked his lips and checked Kaidan from the top to the bottom. “Guess, I should go.”

“You don’t have to go. You can stay here and have a drink.” Now Kaidan stood too close to him for Alliance regulation. “With me.”

“Are you flirting with me?” Shepard looked at Kaidan’s lips and whispered.

“What if I am?” The Major replied teasing.

“Kaidan…” Shepard breathed loud. “I’m not good at this.”

“I know…” Kaidan smiled and Shepard nodded.

“Is this so obvious?”

“Yeah, kind of.” Kaidan raised his whiskey glass in his hand and sipped on it. Then he licked his lips demonstratively, making Shepard raise his hand to his mouth and bit on it.

The Commander took a deep breath. “Maybe I can just take a drink and… talk.”

“Talk?” Kaidan sounded a little surprised. “Shepard, when was the last time we last talked?” Kaidan looked at Shepard sharp but Shepard avoided his glance and looked down. Then the Major raised his hand and grabbed Shepard’s chin and lifted it to let Shepard see him. “John…”

“God Kaidan!” Shepard wiped Kaidan’s fingers away and stepped back. “It’s Commander for you!”

“I’m sorry, Commander.” Kaidan whispered.

An awkward silence laid in the room and Kaidan felt, Shepard’s mood had changed. Then Shepard came close to him and grabbed his arms. “Why are you playing this, Kaidan?” Shepard shook Kaidan a little. “What do you promise yourself with this game?”

“John, it’s just a game among soldiers!” Kaidan twisted his arm to escape Shepard’s grip and looked him deep in the eyes.

“It’s not for me!” Shepard let him go. “Not with you…” Shepard wants to start something and then remained silence. He looked out of the window and breathed loud.

“I thought we were good with the past.” Kaidan said.

“Yeah we’re good. We go different ways, but not like this… ” Shepard whispered. “I’m not a trophy you can put in your collection.”

“I’m sorry, John.” Kaidan said again. He slowly came towards him and stopped at his side. “I never meant to hurt you with this. It’s just for some distraction.”

Shepard shook his head slowly. “For everyone else it is. But not for you.” He turned around and looked at Kaidan.

“John, I moved on and you know that.” Kaidan waited for Shepard’s reaction and when the Commander nodded eventually, he continued. “Don’t bring it up again, let it go.”

“I’m trying… It meant a lot to me, the couple month we had.” Shepard whispered. He starred out of the window a while and then said quietly. “How did you get over it?”

“You’d been dead for couple years.” Kaidan answered sharp and fast. Then he stepped away from the window and tipped something on his console. “You can lock yourself in for few hours and then it’s all over.” Kaidan went for the door but before the door opened, Shepard started talking.

“I knew about the games since the first day. I read the weekly reports.” He spoke quiet and calm. The voice of the Commander has disappeared and only left a tired soldier in the dawn of certain death. “I wanted to play with you guys. Have a little fun in these dark days. ”

“What stopped you?” Kaidan leaned against the door and looked at Shepard’s back.

“I don’t understand why no one just asked me.” He turned around to him slowly. “You know, Kaidan, if you’ve asked, I would have done it for you…”

Kaidan looked to the side and he felt the sudden shame. Yes somehow he felt he had just betrayed Shepard by giving him to someone else. “Since when have you stopped playing with us?”

“It became too much when…” He sighed. “Doesn’t matter anyway, right? Two hours left and this madness is over.”

“You’re saying.” Kaidan nodded and stepped away from the door. He came to Shepard and transmitted some data onto his console. “The key lock.” He prepared to leave.

Shepard grabbed his wrist and then immediately let him go. “Sorry…”

Shepard stepped away and bumped his head against the window. Kaidan stood behind him not knowing what to do. He felt so sorry and so ashamed at the same time he just wanted to leave, but somehow he knew when he left, someone else will come and try their luck. He just looked at Shepard’s back and then he saw a flickering drop of something falling to the floor.

“Are you okay?” He turned Shepard around to him and lifted his face. Shepard had wet eyes and he quickly wiped them clean.

“I’m fine.”

“Is this so hard?” Kaidan led him to the chairs and let him sit down.

“I’m really fine… Just… ” Shepard stopped. “It’s nothing.” He stood up and stood in middle of the room. “I’ll be fine. I guess, I better spent the night in my cabin, don’t want to take your spot.”

Shepard said and went outside of the room. In front of the elevator he just wished no one comes out of the party room so he could disappear. When the elevator came, he stepped inside and the seconds until the door close felt like years. Right before the door close, Kaidan slit through it and they stood next to him silently.

When the door opened again, Shepard walked though it fast and opened the door to his cabin. Kaidan followed him and they stopped at the door.

“I don’t wanna play games, Kaidan.”

“I know.”

“Why are you here?” Shepard asked.

“John, what’s wrong!”

“I’m fine!” Shepard repeated.

“Since when did you stop talking to me? I’m still your friend!” Kaidan said.

“Kaidan, please, I’m tired.”

Kaidan stepped into Shepard’s room and the door closed behind them. “Since when have we stopped being friends?”

Shepard didn’t answer and walked into his room. He sat down on his desk and bend over the paperwork pretending not to hear Kaidan. But Kaidan dragged him out of the chair and pushed against the fish tank.

“I thought we were friend, John!” He pushed him again. “Talk to me!”

“Stand down, Major!” With a roar Shepard freed himself from Kaidan and with his commanding voice he yelled. “We are no friends, Major. I’m your CO. I don’t care about other non-alliance members but as you agreed to seduce your CO, you have violated Alliance rules. What do you bring to your defense?”

“No excuse, sir!” Kaidan suddenly stood stiff and eyes looked straight.

“If we are not in middle of a war, I would have pulled you out of the airlock, Major!”

“Yes sir! Permission to speak, sir!”

“Denied!”

Shepard said down in his chair, letting Kaidan still stand in front of him and looking straight. He buried his head in his hands and rubbed over his head with the military clean cut. And then, he stood up to Kaidan again. “Dismissed, soldier.”

“Permission to speak freely, sir!”

“Denied!” Shepard leaned against his table. Then he took a deep breath. “Granted.”

“I’m worried about you, sir.”

“There is nothing to worry about.” Shepard said straight.

“I think there is!” Kaidan stepped towards him and placed his hands on his arms. “John, you don’t have to do this on your own. Talk to us! Talk to me!”

“About what?” He looked Kaidan deep in his eyes. “All we can talk about, we do in the War room, everything else is nobody’s business.”

“It is. I’m your friend.” Kaidan said it again.

“You keep saying that, Kaidan. Have you thought of, I don’t want you to be my friend?” Kaidan looked at him shocked and stepped back a little. “We’re in middle of a war! I have no time to play your stupid game!”

“John…”

“Get out of my sight!” Shepard yelled and Kaidan went out of the door.

After Kaidan left, Shepard put out a bottle of liquor from the bottom drawer of his desk and purred himself a large glass. He looked at the clock, there is still one hour to the 12th, and it was still his birthday. Then he glanced over to the picture of the man he used to love on his desk and whispered. “Happy birthday to me.” And he emptied the glass.


	8. the walk of shame

Kaidan came out of the elevator and Liara and James came to him immediately. “Did you get it?”

Kaidan shook his head and went to the crew’s bunk.

“What happened?” James asked.

“He knew, he knew from the beginning.” Kaidan said,

“What?” James sounded truly surprised. “Oh shit! We are all in deep shit.”

“No we’re not!” Kaidan said. “He’ll let us through; just we shouldn’t play any games like this.”

“Of course!” Liara answered. “Well since you’re the last failure, here.” She pulled out the bottles and the credit bill. “You go give him that. That should be his birthday present. ”

“Really, do I have to do this?” Kaidan asked. “Someone still could get it, one hour to go.”

“Yeah sure. You had a perfect chance and you failed it.” James said. “Garrus made him hot, I made him horny and then you only had to land the shot. No one can do it now. So path of shame,” he pointed to the elevator. “Here you go.”

Kaidan stepped into the elevator unwillingly and then the door closed.

*** *** *** ***

Kaidan stepped out of the elevator and it only had been few minutes since he got kicked out of Shepard’s cabin. When he had to think of it, it was quite confusing. They were talking about the game in one moment and in the next, Shepard was yelling at him about violating Alliance rules. He didn’t know how he should go to them and give him the prize.

He stayed a while before Shepard’s door and he didn’t know how long since he had ran through many scenarios in his mind, from Shepard beating the shit out of him till Shepard asking Joker to through him out of the airlock.

But then his mind was interrupted by someone falling and then the loud sound of vomiting. Kaidan stood up and opened the door. Yeah, Shepard never locked his door. He stepped into the empty room and saw only the dimmed light. He was scanning the room for Shepard when he heard him chocking form the bathroom. Kaidan quickly put the two bottles on the table and at the sight of the half empty whiskey bottle, he sighed. He knew, Shepard was definitely in bad mood.

The door automatically opened and Shepard was bent over the toilette and choking hard. He knew his Commander wanted to be a better drinker than he was. He kneeled down to Shepard and clapped on his back. Then Shepard wiped his lips with his hand and rolled himself down directly into the shower. Kaidan wanted to get him up when Shepard turned on the shower, wetting himself and Kaidan.

“Gosh John!” Kaidan wanted to turn off the shower but Shepard stopped him. “Seriously!” Kaidan said and then helped Shepard to get up. He stepped into the shower and found the right temperature of the water. Then he started taking off Shepard’s cloth. “At least take off your cloth!” Kaidan said loud and Shepard let him undress him.

Kaidan pealed piece after piece from Shepard’s body and tossed the heavy soaked hoodie to the corner. Then he took off his black undershirt and just when he pealed it over Shepard’s head, he saw a wound on the side of Shepard’s body bursting open. It wasn’t unusual a wound of them opens up again. All of them had one or two.

“John, you need to see the Dr. for that.” Kaidan said and pressed his hand and took the showerhead to clean his wound.

“I’m fine…” Shepard leaned back on the shower wall and his head lied heavy on his shoulder.

“Do you have some medi-gel?” He asked, now completely soaked wet in his uniform.

“Behind the mirror.” Shepard mumbled and turned his head into the direction heavily. He made no attempt to help Kaidan . He just closed his eyes and let the hot water fell on his body.

Kaidan stepped out of the shower and took a tube. Then before he entered the shower again, he took of the uniform and his shoes. The boots were filled with water and his alliance uniform was stuck tight to his body. Then he stepped under the shower and applied the medi-gel on Shepard gunshot wound and saw how it made a soft firm over the open wound and it immediately stopped bleeding.

“Okay big guy.” Kaidan said when he kneeled down to untie Shepard’s boots. The Commander obeyed ever move and let Kaidan move him. When Kaidan successfully took off Shepard’s boots after few minutes, Shepard reached out his hand to help him get up.

“Sober enough?” Kaidan asked.

Shepard nodded and took the medi-gel Kaidan had put aside. He applied it to Kaidan’s arm where another wound opened and stroke softly over Kaidan’s arm. Then he came closer and leaned his head on Kaidan’s shoulder.

“I just realized…” Shepard started whispering. “This might be my last birthday.”

“Shhh…” Kaidan took the tube out of his hand when the wound closed. “You’re drunk, John.”

“I don’t want to spend it alone…” Shepard said it so sad, Kaidan had the feeling, he had to take him in like a puppy and stroke him.

“You’re not alone; we are all here for you.” Kaidan slowly pushed him out of the shower and took a towel to dry him. Shepard followed his example and started drying up Kaidan. When he rubbed the towel on Kaidan’s head, his normally perfect shaped hair dried into wild curls falling into his face.

“You’re so beautiful.” Shepard whispered and then dried Kaidan’s body. Kaidan stopped drying up Shepard and put the towel on Shepard’s shoulder before reaching out for the towel in Shepard’s hand. “Thanks, I can do it myself.” Then he stepped out of the shower with his wet pants and leaving Shepard behind.

Minutes later Shepard came back into the room with his still wet pants and found a Kaidan sitting on his couch with his cloth on. Kaidan had put his elbows on his knees and looked grimly to the bottle he had placed on the table. When Shepard came towards him, he stood up.

“John, what it so bad for you?” He pointed at the half empty bottle.

“Why did you come back?” Shepard went over to his drawer and pulled out a new pair of pants.

Kaidan pointed at the 5000 Credits bill and the two bottles of liquor. “You’ve won.”

Shepard shook his head. “You know you still can win.” He took off his pants and didn’t put on a new pair. He stood naked as a jail bird in front of Kaidan and opened his arms to welcome him.

“John, what are you doing?”

“I haven’t been laid since the first Normandy went down, I haven’t have touch another man since we met on Horizon. Kaidan. This will be my last birthday. I really don’t want to spend the night alone.”

“It won’t be your last birthday!” Kaidan said determined and looked at him. The Shepard he had was younger than this one, his skin was pale and less wounded. And on his body, he could see many surgery scars where Cerberus had placed their cybernetics. And when he thought of Cerberus, the felt the ice sold stitch of betrayal. “John, put on some cloth.” Then he went up the stairs and stopped in Shepard’s office.

When Kaidan moved pass him, Shepard bit his teeth together. He could feel his heart break inside and heart his numb screen. Tears came towards his eyes and he felt so ashamed, so exposed.

“Don’t go, Kaidan.” Shepard whispered when Kaidan was close to the door. “Stay with me.”

Kaidan stopped and then turned around slowly. “John, you’re right, it’s not a good idea between us. You’re not the only one with scars.”

“Just one night, Kaidan!” Shepard walked towards him and held his hand. “Please, because it’s my birthday.”

Kaidan looked at him and how honest and hurt he man he needs to follow into battle stood before him, he pitied him so much. As he just looked into his eyes, he saw the loneliness in Shepard’s eyes. And he felt the pain in his own chest. He felt the twist. Kaidan knew, if he stayed, he would have woken up a sleeping monster, and a thing he had tried to tame for years. And the more he looked at Shepard, the more his heart started to crack.

“Don’t make me look like a cold hearted monster, John.” Kaidan said.

“I’m not asking for much. I just don’t want to spend it alone.” Shepard said.

“John, it’s impossible. Others will ask questions if I don’t return to the bunk.”

“Don’t think of what they might say.” Shepard opened his drawers and took out new underwear and a pair of uniform pants. “I’ll be good,” he put on the black boxer. “I really want to spent my birthday with an old friend.”

Kaidan looked at him, hesitating and then eventually nodded. He knew, when he stepped back into Shepard’s bedroom, he might regret his decision, but as much as Shepard wanted to spent the night with him, he also wanted to rebound with an old friend.

Shepard took out another glass and purred the already started bottle into two glasses. Then he tossed himself on the couch and leaned back. Kaidan took place next to him silently and grabbed the glass. Then he toasted it to Shepard.

“Happy Birthday, John.”


	9. Over you

James ran down the corridor and knocked on Liara’s door. Few minutes later, Liara opened up and he stepped in with Steve.

“Hey James, what’s wrong?”

James looked around in her room and then stopped at the monitors. “You’re the shadow broker; you can hack into anything, right?”

“What’s wrong?” Liara sat down on her bed and looked at him sleepy.

“Kaidan went up and ever since he didn’t return to the bunk. I already asked EDI, she won’t say anything. I searched the whole ship for him, he’s nowhere. So he still must be in Shepard’s cabin. Can you hack into the camera?”

“James, ” Liara stood up and walked towards the console. “I’m not hacking into Shepard’s private cabin.”

“Not the cabin, maybe just the corridor in front of it. From the time Kaidan went in till now. I just want to know if he’s still there.” James answered fast.

“James, don’t you have other things to do?” Liara asked and started tipping on the console. Seconds later, the surveillance footage showed up on a screen.

All three looked on the screen. It showed Kaidan exit the elevator, then sitting and walking in circles in front of Shepard’s room and then suddenly he looked up and ran into Shepard’s cabin.

“Oh shit, he must have heard something.” James pointed at the screen and looked up to Liara. “Can we get more footage?”

“No, I’m not spying on Shepard.” She said determined.

“Not spying, maybe something bad happened.”

“What should happen? We are flying FTL and you thing some husks can be smuggled on board?” Liara asked.

“Well, he did have that husk head, right?” Steve said.

Liara looked up to him and then, she felt her curiosity. She kept watching the video footage of the corridor and it had been almost one, and Kaidan had been in Shepard’s room for hours now and Liara had to admit, she was curious.

“James, I bet they are just talking, maybe laughing about us wondering why he’s not back, yet.” Steve said and in that moment, Garrus and Tali stepped inside.

“Is Kaidan still inside?” She asked.

Liara looked up surprised and then sighed. “Who told you that?”

“Joker, since James asked EDI, he had been constantly asking question, if I could hack it. I thought I better ask you, since you already hacked it.” Tali said and pointed at her console.

“What?” James shouted and Liara bit her lips.

“I only did it for emergency case.” She said and started typing. Then the video from the corridor changed to the recorded footage of Shepard’s room. “One hint of overstepping Shepard’s privacy, I’m shutting it down. ”

“Sure!” All of them agreed and they watched in forward mode, how Kaidan stepped into the room, looked around and then went into the bathroom. They stayed there more than half an hour and they could see hot steam coming out from the door.

“Shit!” James cursed. “Are they taking a shower together?”

“Shut up!” Garrus said.

Then Kaidan came out first, put something from Shepard’s drawers on and then disappeared behind his model wall. The Angle of the camera doesn’t allow more. From the view, they must say, it was placed above the door, filming into the room.

“Did he just came out with his cloth on?” Tali asked.

“Maybe he put it back on.” Garrus answered.

Soon later, Shepard came out also with his pants on and then pulled out everything and stood naked directly onto the camera.

“Holy shit! Things are getting intense there!” Steve said loud.

“Wait, wait! Why is Kaidan leaving?” James shouted, like they were watching a movie. “Oh okay, he’s not.”

Afterwards, Kaidan and Shepard disappeared behind the model ship wall and Liara closed the screen.

“No you’ve got your prove. It’s not our business anymore. Shepard took Kaidan, guess it was prove enough.”

“Oh don’t. Maybe they would do more. It wasn’t certain enough.” James asked.

“I won’t show more. Now please let me sleep!” Liara could convince them to leave and James immediately turned to Tali after they left the room.

And the Quarian had less issues seeing human mating with each other. They went to the main battery and Garrus even organized some beer from the party left.

*** *** *** ***

Shepard laid on his couch and Kaidan sitting on the floor. They haven’t been talking ever since and just silently drank their liquor.

Kaidan took another gulp from the whiskey, emptying the bottle and wanted to have more, when he realized, it was already empty.

“Take the other one.” Shepard said and pointed at the bottle he just won. “We should celebrate Commander Shepard defending his virginity like he defends the earth!” Kaidan couldn’t stop to notice the hint of sarcasm in his voice.

“You must admit, you are not actually easy to access; always so professional, so good and so Commander-like, hard for everyone to flirt with you.” Kaidan opened the bottle and purred into their glasses.

Shepard took the glass from Kaidan and sipped again. He was already quite drunk, when Kaidan rolled him off the toilette and now the world is spinning and he could feel the sloth in his body. He sneered. “Okay, guilty as charged. Guess that’s why I should die as a virgin.”

“Well, we know, you’re not.” Kaidan turned around with his glass and put his head on the couch where Shepard was lying and looked at him. “Seriously? You haven’t been laid since the Collector’s attack?”

“Nope!” Shepard shook his head slowly.

“Not a little making out?” Kaidan kept asking.

“Nope.”

“What about a kiss?”

“Nope.”

“Wow, that’s hard. How come?”

“You really want to know?” Shepard glanced over to him.

“I do. We use to be friends, remember? We have some work to catch up.” Kaidan smirked and looked at Shepard with tired eyes.

“So, first I was dead for two years. Maybe I got laid in the meantime, but I don’t remember. Then I was quite busy catching collectors.”

Kaidan leaned his head over to him. “No handsome man on board?”

“There was. The Drell, God he was sexy, but somehow he wasn’t really into human, or sex at all. And then there was this old merc, Zaeed. Not my type.”

“Not your type?” Kaidan laughed. “What’s your type then?”

“Dark hair, pale skin, brown eyes. Maybe Alliance soldier.” Shepard responded quickly and Kaidan laughed more.

“Stop joking.” He drank again. “Must be hard for you back then.”

“A little. Especially after Horizon, and the suicide mission; and the time in prison. Hard to meet someone in single prison, you know?”

“I guess.” Kaidan looked up to him. “Never been in prison before.”

Shepard laughed and chocked a little on his drink. “How about you? Anyone special for you?”

“Not really. Too much to do for biotic division and then there is a war dumped on us.” Kaidan laughed. “There was a doctor back in Huerta, very nice girl. Red hair, freckles and beautiful green eyes.”

Shepard nodded acknowledged for Kaidan’s conquest. “Something special?”

“Maybe I’ll go visit her when we land on the Citadel the next time.” Kaidan said it and looked up to Shepard. The Commander had put down his drink, turned to the side and now looking to Kaidan leaning on the couch. “Nothing serious happened. Just few flirts, those small talks to make the day better.”

“You like her a lot, don’t you?” Shepard could tell from the tiny smile of his face, he was right.

Kaidan looked Shepard in the eyes and drank again. “It was few hard weeks. Tight to the bed, not able to do anything and following the news about the Normandy and the war, felt like the end of the world. Just the tiniest little of kindness can prevent one go mad.”

Shepard took his glass from the floor and emptied it. He then slipped down to the floor to sit next to Kaidan and purred more drinks. “How are you doing, now?”

“Good, I guess.” Kaidan said short.

“I mean it.” Shepard said honest.

“There are dark times. Reapers knocking on our doors, death everywhere and everyday. Sometimes, it’s hard to sleep at night.”

“Can I help.” Shepard suggested.

“I appreciate it, but no thanks. I don’t want to make me a burden to you.” Kaidan leaned over to him and smiled.

“You’re never a burden.” Shepard said gentle and also leaned into Kaidan’s direction, letting his forehead rest on his. He could feel the hot breath and the warm air coming from Kaidan, and when he closed his eyes, it felt like peace.

Kaidan also said nothing and didn’t take away his head. He waited a while and then started. “John, do you really want to know why we started all this betting?”

“Why?”

“We see you working in every free minute you have. If you’re not writing reports, you’re planning missions, reviewing supply chains, making sure we are okay. But you never talk about yourself. It was all about us. We have us to talk to, but you were all alone and that just made us worry about you.” Kaidan said and then took away his head. He looked into Shepard’s deep blue eyes and saw the sadness behind it.

“Don’t be, I’m just fine.” Shepard answer a little bit too fast. “Kaidan, I’m fine. Sorry about earlier, I was just frustrated and desperate. It had been a long time since someone is interested in me.”

“I can’t imagine that.”

“Seriously interested in me. And all the flirts, the tension, the dances… it was just a little too much.” Shepard leaned back at the couch. “I don’t like to be reminded, how alone I am in the end.”

“You’re not alone, John.” Kaidan took his hand and grabbed it. Shepard was sure, it was because of the alcohol, otherwise Kaidan would never let his guard down.

“I am alone. I don’t have a family to return to. I don’t have a squad I could reunite with. I don’t have a husband to come back to. For me, beside of saving the earth and everything, there is no difference for me. I was alone before and I would be alone after it.”

“You have us.” Kaidan said and leaned over to Shepard.

“I guess I do. The Normandy is my home, my family. But how long will this family stay together.” Shepard looked up and sighed. “Just thinking about it. We are in middle of a war, the enemy we’re facing is far beyond us and they’re so advanced. All we could bring to our defense is our unity, but what will happen after? Not all of us will survive this war. We are soldiers; we know what we signed up for.” Shepard took Kaidan’s hand and put it to his lips. Then he gently and softly kissed it and smelled the scent. “It fills my sleeps with nightmares when I think of one of us could die. It can make one desperate, when thinking of what one can lose.”

“Don’t, John.” Kaidan took away his hand and put it on Shepard’s face. “Use it as your motivation, put it on like an armor, don’t let this darkness consume you. If you lose hope, we’re all basically dead.”

“Believe me, I won’t. I’ll fight to my last breath to protect what I love, protect the one I love.” He looked Kaidan in the eyes and when the Major smiled at him, it warmed his heart. He took Kaidan’s hand on his face and felt it’s roughness, but the feeling of having Kaidan’s hand on his body, gave him the satisfaction.

Kaidan also enjoyed feeling Shepard’s hands on his and he rubbed his thumb on his cheek. “Tonight is a good night, John.” Kaidan whispered and closed his eyes.

They just sat there for few minutes and then Shepard stood up, noticing how much they had drunk and he reached out a hand to Kaidan. “Okay Kaidan, time for bed.”

“If you don’t mind. I’ll just sleep here.” Kaidan toasted to Shepard one more time and climbed on the couch.

“C’mon. At least take the bed.” Shepard said and went over to Kaidan. He pulled him up and carried him over to the bed. “Everything would be better tomorrow.” Shepard said.

“Why are you so sure?” Kaidan looked at him sleepy and smiled. “What would be different?” He didn’t hesitate to climb under the blanket.

“Us, Kaidan, us.” Shepard took off his cloth and got into his bed. He lied next to Kaidan and starred into Kaidan’s brown eyes. His freshly washed curls fell into his face and Shepard gently stroked it out of it. “You’re so beautiful, K.”

Kaidan moved towards him under the blanket and then climbed into his arms. He placed his head on Shepard’s shoulder and his arm around Shepard’s chest. Shepard immediately closed his arms around Kaidan’s shoulder, pressing him tight to his body and then he kissed Kaidan’s forehead gently.

Kaidan moved closer to him. “I missed this.” He whispered. “I missed you. John.”

“I missed you, too, Kaidan.” Shepard whispered and kissed Kaidan again.

They listened to each other’s breath for a while without speaking and then Kaidan started again. “I spent so much time getting over you. And right when I did, you showed up.” He sighed. “It was so hard. I thought when I keep my distance, I would be good.”

“Are you?” Shepard asked.

“Yeah, it worked.” Kaidan said quietly. “I thought when I act professional, I’ll be okay. You were so convincing from the first day on. Like nothing had happened, like… ” Kaidan sighed again. “It was just too long ago.”

“Indeed.” He said quite. “Sometimes I’m not sure if it was a dream or reality.” John pressed Kaidan closer to him and his lips closer to Kaidan’s head. He breathed in loud and his chest rise and sank. “Kaidan, you know why I keep saying I’m fine?” John waited a while for Kaidan’s answer but when the man on his arms didn’t answer, he started anyway. “I thought when I tell myself this often enough, I would be. The truth is… I’m not.”

John took a few deep breaths. Kaidan’s head on his chest rise and sank with Shepard and then Kaidan started stroking Shepard’s arm. Shepard kissed Kaidan’s head again and kept talking. “Kaidan, I’m not okay. I’m not over you. I miss you so much I could kill an entire husk army. Sometimes I miss you so much I can’t stand it. Knowing you’re just few doors away didn’t make it better.”

“Next time you miss me, just come talk to me.” Kaidan mumbled.

“I don’t know what to talk to you about. I wanted to be over you, I really want. I tried so hard to get over you… but every time when I see you with Liara…”

“There is nothing between us, John.” Kaidan said fast and looked up to Shepard.

“Now I know.” Shepard pushed his head back to his chest and pressed him tight to himself. “But before, when I saw you, it just reminded me how much I’m not over the time we had. And I keep asking myself why it still hurt so much. I mean, we were together for how long? Two months? Six weeks?”

“From Ilos to the attack…”

“It wasn’t much time we had together, it’s it was almost three years ago. People say time heals all wounds, and I’m still waiting for it to heal…”

“It’s hard in the beginning.” Kaidan turned around and lied on his stomach, looking up to Shepard. “And it’s hard in the end, too. And you can never be sure, it wouldn’t be opened again. Better just forget it, pretend it’s not there and it has never been there. And hope you don’t do anything to wake it.”

Shepard raised his head and looked at him. “And this?” He took his finger and put it on Kaidan’s chin. “What is this?”

He saw in the dim light the flickering in Shepard’s blue eyes and his heart just got twisted. He could feel Shepard’s body heat under the blanket, the warm skin and his arm on his back. “This just made few years of therapy for nothing.” Kaidan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “God, I miss you so much.” Kaidan looked up to Shepard and so did Shepard looking down to him. Then he pressed a gentle kiss on Shepard.


	10. Sleep well, my love.

“Are we really going to watch this all night?” Tali turned around on the floor and asked when she saw James still starring at the screen.

“You don’t’ have to, but I’m going to.” James answered. “Do you have an idea what they are talking about all night?”

“No, and I don’t care!” Steve leaned against the wall and tried to sleep. “Maybe they’re just good friends.”

“Good friends don’t sleep in the same bed!” James said loud and Garrus jumped from his seat.

“They’re sleeping in the same bed?” He asked and looked at the screen. “When did that happen?”

“When you guys were asleep. And now they are cuddling.” James made a sign for Garrus to look. “This doesn’t count as winning right?”

“Yes, it does. They are sleeping in the same bed!” Tali shouted and stood up. “I have better things to do than watching Shepard cuddle with Kaidan. Based on their past, I’m not surprised he in the end took Kaidan.”

“What past?” James asked loud. “Kaidan had something with the Commander.”

Garrus also stood up. “Nothing special, just some flirts. Quite obvious back then they had something for each other.”

“When was it?” James asked curiously, finally facing away from the screen.

“Back on SR-1.” Garrus said annoyed. “So James, can you please leave the main battery! Turians have to sleep, too.”

“Why do I have to leave then? Just go to your bunk!” James said.

“I don’t want you touch anything while I’m gone!” Garrus said and made a hand wave for James to get up. James rolled his eyes when he wanted to get up but Steve’s shout out interrupted him.

“Holy shit. That escalated quickly.” Steve shouted fixed on the screen.

All of them gathered around the screen and in the upper part of the picture, in the dark back area of Shepard’s cabin, the two just climbed on each other, kissing, touching and scratching each other.

“Have you seen enough, now?” Steve asked and stood up from his chair, stretching himself.

James ignored his question and kept watching Kaidan and Shepard. But Garrus stepped to the console and shut it down. “So, Jimmy, there you have your proof. Can we all go sleeping now?”

James stood up from the floor and cursed. “Damn, I was so sure, he’s not into men. And in the end Kaidan. Unbelievable.”

*** *** *** ***

Firstly they kissed each other gently, slowly stroking the skin and then the tender embraced changed into a feverish greedy touching and grabbing. They rolled on the bed, pressed each other tight to their body, like they wanted to touch the skin of their lover with every inch of their body. They breathed loud, they moaned and grunted. They scratched each other and when the blanket rolled from the bed, they took no notice of it. Shepard eventually rolled on Kaidan kissed him everywhere.

“God, John!” Kaidan moaned, when Shepard greedily licked over his aps, beneath his bellybutton and down towards his cock.

“Oh Kaidan, I miss this so much!” Shepard whispered when pulled out Kaidan’s manhood and closed his fingers around it. He rubbed the hard and swollen cock few times and without any hesitation, he took it into his mouth and Kaidan grunted. Shepard licked over it, first gently and soft, like he tasted blood, he wanted more. He sucked it fast and hard, while rubbing it with one hand, with the other he scratched over Kaidan’s belly.

The biotic moaned and grunted, and in the less lit room, his eyes found Shepard’s crystal clear blue eyes, fixed on him. Every time when he saw his own penis disappear into Shepard’s mouth, he moaned loud and when his fingernails sand deep into his flesh, Kaidan leaned back into the bed sheet and breathed loud.

“I’m close, John!” Kaidan gasped and Shepard spit his cock out of his mouth. He crawled up to Kaidan and kissed him. The biotic started to flare around his body and Shepard always liked it, when he could feel the tiny explosions all over his body, when he was surrounded by the electrocuting Kaidan.

“You taste so good!” Shepard said, kissing and licking over Kaidan’s earlap, before biting it.

“God!” Kaidan moaned. Then he rolled on Shepard and did the same of him.

Shepard leaned back into the pillows and grabbed into the blankets. “God, I forgot how good you are.” Then he sank his fingers in Kaidan’s curls and grabbed it tight when Kaidan pulled his cock deeper inside him.

The room was filled with Shepard’s moans and grunts. Only few minutes later, Shepard screamed how close he was and Kaidan had to stop.

“Come here!” Shepard grabbed Kaidan’s neck and pulled him down to himself. “Kiss me!”

And the biotic obeyed. He kissed, long and short, he sucked on Shepard’s lips and then licked over his neck. When Shepard raised his hand to touch Kaidan’s face, he opened his mouth to let his fingers explore his mouth.

“Now, Kaidan.” Kaidan spit into his fingers and wet Shepard. Then he pushed himself in.

Shepard clinched his teeth together and a painful scream escaped his throat. Kaidan immediately stopped pushing but Shepard grabbed him and opened his eyes wide.

“Don’t stop. I’m fine. Don’t stop. ”

When Kaidan finally pressed almost all of him inside, he began to thrust. In, out, in, out and in. Like there was no tomorrow Kaidan fucked Shepard and his lover grabbed his ass and pulled him inside. Shepard will grunt loud when Kaidan thrust into him and he spread his legs wide to let him go deeper.

“Yes, Kaidan! Kiss me!” Shepard asked and Kaidan bent over to kiss Shepard and he closed his fingers around Shepard’s cock. Shepard starred at him with his deep blue eyes filled with pleasure, pure lust and pain. He smiled when Kaidan put his fingers in Shepard’s mouth and the soldier under him trembling.

“Say you love me!” Shepard commanded and Kaidan nodded.

“I love you, John Shepard!” He thrust into Shepard. “I love you soo much!”

“Yes! Fuck me, Kaidan!” Shepard moved his hips to match Kaidan’s rhythm and with each thrust, he was closer.

Kaidan bent over to Shepard and gave him a long kiss. Shepard trembled under him and his moans were numb whimper. “John, never leave me again!”

“No, never!” Shepard gasped in the air. “I’ll never let you go again!”

Kaidan thrust into him. And with another trembling the soldier exploded in his hand. Just when Kaidan felt the warm cum over his hand, he unloaded himself in his lover.

“Johnnnn! I love you.” Kaidan gasped and then sank on him. Shepard welcomed him in his arms and kissed him many times on the cheek and shoulder. He just couldn’t stop touching him and kiss him.

“Do you mean what you said.” Shepard kissed him again.

“Every word.” He then sank on Shepard’s chest. “You’re hard to forget.”

Shepard kissed him again on his head and whispered. “You too, my love.”

*** *** *** ***

Kaidan leaned other the table to see the machine brewing the coffee, when someone embraced him from behind. He could say from his smell, it was his lover. Kaidan smiled and leaned back to him. He let his head rest on his shoulder and turned his face for a kiss.

“Good morning, my love.” Shepard whispered and gave him few small kisses and then a longer one; a tender and passionate one. Kaidan had to stop when he felt Shepard’s manhood move inside his pants and the mess hall is hardly the place for that, even when it was still empty.

“Good morning, Commander.” Kaidan smiled wide and looked in love into Shepard’s blue eyes.

“Don’t you think we are a little pass titles?” Shepard smiled wide and leaned in for another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> This head-canon had been in my head for a while now, and just suddenly the words came to me.  
> And just few days before while I was still writing, I realized, it was actually Shepard's birthday on that day and everything in my mind just changed.  
> And the tone of the story changed, something, things started to fit together. This was the only version I could imagine how this story ends and yeah I like. 
> 
> So if you enjoyed, don't hesitate to leave a comment, tell me what you think. I'm always open for a different viewpoint. 
> 
> p.s. Thanks again to HeavonOnFire who had helped me develop this idea.


End file.
